Leaning Tower Falling

“A Milestone”

Times Correspondent

The Italians awoke Monday to the sound of a large structure crashing to the ground.

One man said, “It was a shockwave so tremendous, that even one hour subsequent, the vibrations of my mugs and silverware were too much to bear. I had no option but to mute each rattling thing in my entire house, individually, by means of my index finger.”

Quite a hullabaloo ensued, when it was learned that the famous “Leaning” Tower (of Pisa) had toppled over.

When I asked my interviewee of his thoughts, he responded, “Well.. A great historical monument had abruptly ceased to be. Of course, that was shocking…”

More hullabaloo came about when, at lunch time, the same crashing sound was heard countrywide. More, when the same noise interrupted suppertime. And more, when The Tower of Pisa fell three times a day for the rest of all time.

My interviewee described this periodic crashing noise as, “terribly distracting”.

By speaking with locals and first responders, I was able to gather more information. What I learned was this. Three times each day, the ruins of the tower gather themselves together and begin to erect. The stones toil, trying and always failing to stand up straight. But, thrice daily, they reach exhaustion, and collapse to the ground.

Thrice daily, the leaning tower falls.

“I am proposing a name change,” my interviewee said, "from ‘Leaning Tower of Pisa’, to ‘Falling Tower of The West’, as a testament to this symbol of the perpetual fall of western civilization, that God or whoever has placed directly in front of our eyes.”

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