William Howard,

I know what you’re thinking: Slam my head against a wall? What are you, crazy, with this talk of slamming your head against the wall? Well let me break it down with facts about slamming your head against the wall. First off, your head is the perfect size to be slammed against the wall. Your neck is a fantastic delivery device to slam your head against a wall. It is very strong, and capable of moving the head extremely quickly, and this makes it perfect for slamming your head against the wall. In fact, there are a number of ways you can slam your head against the wall. You can go for “The Classic”: a forwards motion to slam your head against the wall. You’ve got “The Reverse,”: which is moving your head backwards to slam it against the wall. The third common option is what I call “The Twister,”: rapidly circle your head, creating centrifugal force, then use that force to slam your head against the wall. Many celebrities have slammed their heads against the wall. John Travolta loved the idea so much that he slammed his career against the wall while he slammed his head against the wall. Pink Floyd famously advocated for slamming your head against the wall with their famous album “(Slam Your Head Against) The Wall.” I think I’ve made a clear case for slamming your head against the wall. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to slam my head against the wall.