The Surreal Enforcement Agency Is Formed
In these Surreal Times, the federal government has announced the creation of a new division: the Surreal Enforcement Agency. While the Times has no institutional positions, it is the opinion of several members of our staff that, while the recent uptick of Surreality is worrying, the potential for abuse with this new agency is high. We have reproduced the most vital parts of the press release below. The Times should also disclose that one of our senior reporters, Roberto Piccolo, is the brother of the head of this new agency.
To my fellow American citizens, our international friends and finally those who would do us harm, my name is Massimo Piccolo. I have been charged with the creation and oversight of the new Surreal Enforcement Agency. But before I explain the role of this vital new organization, let me first recount what brought us to this point.
Last year, the world was brought to the brink. Planal Fusion seemed imminent. The now disgraced Dr. Linda Peterson led a team of “secret scientists,” as an old friend once put it, who nearly ended life as we know it. When the Hyper-Mundane Engine was hurled into the San Andreas fault, destroying the Stairway to the Stars, every Surreality Counter on the planet went silent. But since that time, Surreality has seeped back into our lives. Some have even suggested that human beings themselves are the true source of Surreality and that as long as we walk the planet Surreality will never leave us. But even if we do generate Surreality, so too can Surreality inflict great harm upon us. Someone has to prevent that.
The Surreal Enforcement Agency is an independent agency within the federal government tasked with the regulation and enforcement of Surreal Engines and other Surreal technology. Also within our purview are any Hyper-Mundane Devices, as well as the beings commonly called “Hyper-Mundane Masters.”
Our goal is simple: preserve the planes. Our plane, the Real Plane, should mix with neither Surreal Plane or the Hyper Mundane Plane. Brief forays and interpolations are acceptable, but to attempt planal fusion is to risk jail time.
Stay safe, citizens, and stay Real.
Sincerely,
Massimo Piccolo
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