A Negative Event

Letter to D. Spingleton

Sir.

How many more ways are you going to waste your time? How many more ridiculous places will you put advertisements for your useless literary ventures?

Once again, you managed to infiltrate my rather obscure town in the middle (dead center) of the country with your rubbish.

You really outdid yourself this time Sir Spingleton. As I returned to my home after a long day of curb refurbishing, I poured myself a glass of ginger ale. Further retreating into the depths of my relaxation, I reclined on my recliner. Just then, my beautiful wife mounted me. One thing led to another and I found myself revealing her fantastic bosom. This is when the negative event occurred. As I revealed her fantastic bosom, one of your GOD DAMN ADVERTISEMENTS was on my GOD DAMN WIVES BOOSOM.

Sir, What the fuck man. You can’t just advertise anywhere you want. I will provide a summary of this ridiculous advertisement so your readers can be sure to not buy this horrible excuse for a book.

"Brand new fiction! Greenlock Farm: The Tale of Tomph and Yophim by Dernberger Spingleton Copies can be obtained at Amazon.com, from Dernberger or any of his correspondents."

Sir,
You continue to impress me by your ability to waste time.

Warmest Regards,
Chett Vildermesh
Senior Journalist
The Surreal Inquirer
270 Agnes Ave McFarland, KS