Board of selectmen vote down dinosaur proposal

Professor Burgowittz,

The UMass Department of Environmental Conservation, in conjunction with scientists at Joule Scientific, went to the Amherst board of selectmen to propose that the town provide funding for efforts to reincarnate dinosaur species native to the area. A postdoctoral sponsor of the project explained, "These species are indigenous to the pioneer valley. They are part of our culture. They are part of our anthropology. We owe it to ourselves to preserve them."

The board of selectmen unanimously shot down this proposal. They went further: not merely denying funding, but banning the project entirely. Most attendees were not surprised by this result.

A pregnant women expressed slight relief while rubbing her bulging baby belly. She explained how she was glad that her unborn child would have an opportunity to thrive in a world without dinosaurs (as she had done herself).

One baked-looking man wearing a stained, white tank-top complained about the result, arguing that, "even though [he] had a couple of drug charges and stuff, [he] should get to vote." The man explained, "This is important stuff. Dinosaurs are important. Everyone should get to vote when it comes to dinosaurs."

This man received support from a few members of the crowd. One rather sturdy-looking intellectual woman patronized this man. She wore a man's suit and round glasses, and she argued in favor of a referendum that would give everyone a say. Ultimately, though, the meeting proceeded to other items on the docket. In short order, the question of dinosaurs was put to rest.

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