Tom Johnson,
Sergeant, UMPD

We have received reports of a rogue woman on campus. Witnesses describe her physical appearance as "particularly innocent" and "harmless". --- She stands approximately five feet tall. She speaks gently and walks with a slight hobble. She has only ever been seen during times when it is raining outside. During these times, she wears a rather childish neon-green raincoat.

Please beware: Despite her appearance as a caring, harmless woman, she has been known to snatch footwear off the feet of innocent pedestrians.

One victim, Timothy (age 19), detailed his interaction with this woman. He did so at roughly 8:00pm on a Tuesday.

"I was walking back to O-Hill from Worcester," Timothy said. "It was raining hard. I didn't have my coat because I had class earlier, and it hadn't been raining before my class. So I'd been soaked for a few hours by this point. It sucked."

Timothy was walking up Chancellor's drive when the raincoat-wearing woman approached him. Her hood covered her face, so he could not identify her. "But she was shivering," Timothy explained. "It seemed like she needed help."

Being a good-hearted member of our community, Timothy offered this seemingly in-need woman some help.

But rather than requesting assistance from Timothy, the woman offered assistance to him. She pointed to his feet and brought to his awareness the fact that his shoelaces were untied. Then she offer to tie his shoes.

Timothy accepted her offer. But this neon-coated criminal proceeded to pull Timothy's shoe off his foot and, with it in her hand, flee the scene. As Timothy detailed, "She may be short, but she is wildly strong, fast, and quick-witted."

Please be aware of the danger that this woman poses to our community. Report any sightings of her to UMPD.

For more articles by Tom Johnson, click here. To establish direct correspondence, email