Those damn squirrels and birds are always eating up my birdseed. I even witnessed a rather conniving blue jay wind up his baseball bat and knock one of my feeders to the ground. Seeing this made me very confused, because the blue jay didn't even fancy a bite of the birdseed. The belligerent knocked it down for no reason.

I soon realized that the damn blue jay knocked down my feeder just so that a rabbit, who I must say was rather overweight and therefor "grounded", could enjoy something good to eat. The rabbit had been waiting patiently while the blue jay wound up and swung his bat. Now this "grounded" fella took a taste of the birdseed like a cocaine connoisseur tests some so-called good-stuff. After some pensive consideration, he deemed the supposed good-stuff to be good enough. They always do. So this fat-ass gave a big handshake to the flying fella. Then Fatass handed over the cash. After that, the Flying Fella took off.

I keep my feeders on the ground: The rabbits eat from them. I hang them up: then the birds come scavenging, AND the damn rabbits get their eats anyway. I just want to ask: what the hell am I supposed to eat, man? Seriously.

I thanked the lord when all those pests got up and left for no reason at all. However, I soon become rather lonely. I became so lonely, in fact, that I tried complaining to inanimate things such as fire hydrants and bus stops. But when I did that, the bus stop freaking exploded. I learned how stupid it is to complain at anyone but animate beings. You know: it's rather unsatisfying to do so. Also, it can dangerous at times.

After going to bed that day, I woke up and I was so happy to learn that all the animals had come back. I didn't know why they left. I didn't know why they came back. Maybe they wanted freedom then decided freedom is not so good, or that they had had enough of it. Or maybe they went to grandma's house until grandma ran out of the good stuff. I was very happy despite all these questions.

But damn, I am becoming pissed off yet again. It's so damn cold and absolutely unbearable outside. Inside, everything smells. Jesus. Nothing makes any sense. Maybe I should leave. On some occasions, I think that I should -- but I also become very worried. I tense up when doing or thinking of doing things that are unusual for me to do. This is unfortunate.

Genuinely Importantly,
Alfred Humbleton.