The Amherst Acupuncture Association (AAA) is hosting an event tonight called the Spring Acupuncture Social. It is the first soiree of its kind, but AAA founder and treasurer Darla Springfield encouraged that acupuncture socials will be frequent in the future. This is because, having secured funding from a faction of prosperous individuals, the AAA will be able to work free of financial chains from this time and onward.

The event will consist of various peer-to-peer mutual acupuncture activities. And, much like a swingers dance, couples are encouraged to attend but not restrict their intimacy to each other, because the intimacy of the needle is divine and transcendent of our physical realm.

It is like this. Imagine the people of the world not as individual beings — but rather, as the hands of some higher dimensional consciousness. Understanding the world in this way, one hand would never fear or hate another, because it would know that the other hand’s actions, although sometimes perplexing, are ultimately working in the best interest of the wholesome being. Darla explained that hands who bring tension are not to be gone to war with. Instead, they are to be coordinated with or anthropologized.

That is the reason for social acupuncture. As one hand activates another’s nerve system to the fullest and most intricate extent that it can, and as hands communicate with one another by pinching and feeling and dancing with one another, they become in tune. Their consciousnesses come together like long lost brothers and sisters.

In the past, acupuncture has been performed only in solitude. The distinction between patient and healer was always clear. Darla Springfield explained that this distinction is moot and explainable only in terms of the acupuncturist’s fear of clean air. “Truly,” Darla said, “the modern asymmetrical acupuncturist is inhibiting.” One hand of God is no more or less than another. And no hand of God cannot be satisfied with coordination with only one other hand. The symphony in whole must seek synchrony, or else tension will warp and mangle the sound space, and the common ear will hurt.

Please consider attending at the FAC tonight. It is good. It is important. Surely those less in tune may be clumsy with the needle, but butterfly tenders to the garden will be floating around moderating where moderation is due, so you needn’t worry. Besides, what is discomfort but progress.

Rendezvous at 8pm. This event has a negative cost.