LOW-TEMP VOLCANO ERUPTS

PITTSFIELD, MA - Let it be known that Mount Von Clidesmic erupted with a glass-shattering shockwave that struck fear into all of Pittsfield. Let it be known also that nobody was injured by the volcano, because its secretion was perfectly vertical, non-newtonian, and low-temperature in nature. Rest easy knowing that your loved ones, after many days of sitting in hopeless idle behind their ooblec-blockaded doors, discovered a dependable method of escape. They gathered shovels and baseball bats and club-like objects of various kinds. They climbed up their chimneys and they embarked on a ground-pounding journey, vigorously striking the fluid ahead of them in order to harden it enough to be traversed.



For more articles by Earnest, click here. To establish direct correspondence, email earnest@surrealtimes.net.