AMHERST, Massachusetts — Elon Musk has long pursued the idea of interplanetary human life. Initially his notion was that humans ought to kickoff their travels by colonizing a cicumunary planet such as Mars. Recently he has transcended this viewpoint, though. He now looks more favorably upon the possibilities of colonizing circumbinary planets.

One might ask: “what brought about such a monumental change of mind?” One might receive a reply saying that The Peripheral Intelligence Agency had everything to do with it. At a conference last quarter, officials from the PIA engaged in lengthy talks with Elon on the subject of the psychological benefits of certain non-unary orbits. They turned Musk’s head toward a particular orbit: the lop-sided figure eight. And they explained how, when a planet orbits two different-sized stars in this fashion, it may experience a different seasonal cycle than that to which we are accustomed. Consider two winters per year (one much colder than the other), two fairly normal springs and autumns, and two especially hot sleepless summers. The result is a more varied lifestyle that renders people ultimately more satisfied when the end of their years comes about.

Musk showed great interest and joked that “it would be funny to watch all the wealthy people deal with the heat and lack of sleep.” He suggested, “perhaps they would all move underground.. [laughs] and finally show us that they are actually just mole people disguised as humans.”

SpaceX has conscripted the PIA to continue surveying irregular solar systems in our vicinity, and we are hoping to hear positive news regarding habitability very soon. Stay tuned.