We Have Been Given Quandaries

These quandaries, what are they? Quantum? No. Quantitatives, or Quants? Um, beat it buster. How about Quals? Well perhaps, but these interrogatives avoid the essence. What is the essence, you ask? Close your dense eyelids, and look without seeing. Your parents? The Sun? 1000 words in Times New Roman 12-point font, double spaced? My stinky grease secretion? None is the essence; nothing, noidea, noone, noforce. Living is circles, reaching no angles. You will cease, and then you won’t see. But as you go, your dense eyelids will rest you, for a sec, and that is how to see without looking. These quandaries are then thus, foremost jargon, two most farcical. Don’t beat the cycle, and hell’s dammit don’t be it. Just eat it whole.

Says The Nostril:

  1. The first quandary is this. Many grown men and women completely encompass the very large sphere which you claim to be your own, but which they claim to be theirs. What is to be done about this impossible dispute over ownership? This quandary is called The Simultaneous Want Quandary.

  2. The second quandary is this. The tallest tree in the world is mighty fine and voluptuous. It is a fantastic sight. But, it is infested with termites and will inevitably fall upon something that we all care very much about. We know it will, but we do not know whether it will be tomorrow or a hundred years from now when it does. Shall we down this tree? This quandary is called The Grip and Release Quandary.

Says Tevobet Nope:

  1. Child, you. This infinite number of orbiting circles is in and of and to and from and within and without itself. Those men and the wo’s they accompany can’t, neigh they shan’t draw or make or create or invent any such of those them there circles. We know this because there is absolutely no circle quite like the color purple, and that hue is restricted access for you and you. This is The Abundance Principle.

  2. The Trees, the trees, those suckling trees. What a sort of kind of mad fairy tale constructed here before the bleeding gooballs. Perhaps it must be considered thus: The tree is a facet of the faucet we call the essence. It can’t be torn, and in it can’t be sworn. Shed tears? Ha, abs-un-lutely. To tear a tree is to become socrates, and that fella died in the wet ditch that you hu***s have dug into existence. This is The Essence is Essence Principle.

  3. And now this. You speak of trees. But feel them? Absolutely untrue. Now you are the voluptuon, hovering and smothering. You now know you will fall. Boom bang Ging Gong. You will stop hovering. And let’s don’t forget- without legs or wings or arms or tentacles you have been borned. Hover now, d’ya? As difficulty? What is to be done, butt end of the nose?

Tev: But that is this, so thus this, you are of body and i am of energy. How can a ïûœœœœlk such as yourstrulyself have a meshing of letters with a thing?

Nostril: You are correct. I am the voluptuon. I attempted to render hopeless the world, by playing my most capable cards: The Simultaneous Want Quandary, and The Grip and Release Quandary. You effectively countered my powerful cards by presenting your even more powerful ones: The Abundance Principle and The Essence is Essence Principle. I concede to them and vow to remain silent for the remainder of eternity, after one final blow: You, T.e.v.o.b.e.t. N.o.p.e., I expose you for what your letters stand for: The Voice Belonging to No Physical Entity.



For more articles by Tevobet Nope, click here. To establish direct correspondence, email nope.tevobet@surrealtimes.net.