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PSA: Keep Animals Inside

Dangerous Levels Of Surreality Detected

If you keep a surreality counter inside your home, chances are it kept you up all last night with its clicking. Indeed, moderate levels of surreality have been reported all over the globe. This poses a particular threat to small animals, such as chinchuanas, birds, and rodents, whose brains are unable to cope with surr... [Continued]...

MONSTROSITY APPROACHING

Prepare yourself and your kin for the return of these ethereal beasts.

A gargantuan monstrosity is imminently approaching, and, if not stopped somehow, will engulf us completely. A citizen of Amherst can see for themselves by gazing Eastward into the horizon. At first, the monstrosity will appear as nothing more than a gray cloud, slightly more gray and tumultuous than typical. But, over ... [Continued]...

Bad Collision, Many Steeds Totalled

Bill (Nerb) involved in the case.

AMHERST, Massachusetts -- It was a terrible start to the week, this past Monday, and especially so for our indentured hay-eaters. The working men and women of our town were bundled up tightly in their carriages, being pulled by their steeds in the usual way, when loitering on the side of Daniel Shay's Highway was the ... [Continued]...