Malicious Koi Robs World of Nwidvee

AMHERST, Massachusetts — Just yesterday, in the most luscious gardens of Durfee Conservatory, did the onset of a flamboyant and widespread discoloration occur. It first became evident on the shores of the koi fish pond.

A woman by the name of [redacted] told me that she had chosen to spend her interval between classes, per usual, in the campus’s zenfull oasis. She entered through the cactus sanctuary to the east, having come from Fernald Hall where her anatomy of cicadas course took place. It was her intention to spend a few moments absorbing energies from beneath the willow tree. She would observe a variety of nature’s creations that could perhaps aid in unbounding her imaginings. Then, eventually, she would cross the koi pond bridge and exit through flower blossoms westward. Her destination would be South College, in which she would augment her studies with a seminar on sacred geometry.

For whatever reason, [redacted]’s usual meditations did not bring her their usual bringings. So she did, but only frustratedly, make way early.

Crossing the arched wooden bridge over the koi pond, she became immersed in reflective warm mist. The mist maintained the many exotic vegetations in Durfee, which could never live happily in our rash climate absent of such tender care.

The sun sent pure potency fracturing through each droplet of mist. Upon contact with the droplets, every fundamental color from magenta to nwidvee would split off onto an individual crusade — following some majestic calling as a small Santa Claus with an itinerary of objects around the world to which to apply color before the coming morning.

[Redacted] explained, “As the glistening droplets showered my oculars with every nutrient I knew or never knew they needed, I felt soft lipped and peaceful again. I felt ready to commence my day.” She said that she then inhaled through her pupils, filling her visionary lungs.

A terrible scene of bleeding, finless fish but for one prompted a huff. From [redacted]’s mouth and eyes burst clouds of nwidvee-colored dust. Puff!

A fat koi, bearded, gnarly, rough, — the only one remaining with intact fins — leapt 6 feet above the water. It brandished its toothless gums to [redacted], and when it slurped the streams of nwidvee from the air, [redacted] feared that she too would be engulfed by the vortex inside this greedy Koi.

This woman watched as this pillaging Koi roamed the pond, slurping nwidvee-colored blood from the vicinities of the downed fish whose fins it had devoured.

The victims sunk because of the rocks in their bellies, which they’d accumulated over years of boredom and dysphoria.

[Redacted] endured the remainder of her day, despite having witnessed such a tragic sight. She did so with a pungent taste in her mouth that was, in a peculiar way, missing something.

She tried telling friends about her witnessings. However, she did so to no avail— Why? Because, no matter whom she spoke with, her mentionings of the color “nwidvee” conjured only befuddlement.

People claim to have never seen or heard of the color. And she herself has never seen anything resembling it ever since, even upon returning to Durfee, where the downed kois remain, eternally huddling with each other for protection and separation from the traitor of their kin.

For more articles by Dernberger Spengleton, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email spengleton@surrealtimes.net.


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