The noise moth infestation is worsening by the day in Butterfield Hall. For a while it seemed we had it in check. We putting radios in the basement to play loud music 24/7, in order to attract the noise moths to one place. We thought we had quarantined them. We in some ways did. However, it seems that, by playing the m... [Continued]...

This is the Purple Hermit, making himself late for class with a stunning development on campus. An invisible barrier surrounding the Isenberg School of Management appears to be preventing students from attending their classes. As economics majors surround the barrier, testing it by tossing objects, Darrin Cho, the en... [Continued]...

Tom Johnson,
Sergeant, UMass PD

This is a public service announcement. Local landscaping companies are now on call for Hair Anywhere Spray emergencies. If you become trapped or injured because of vigorous hair growth caused by Hair Anywhere Spray, or if your property has been damaged because of Hair Anywhere Spray, please call one of the following nu... [Continued]...