CC: Hallucinations Wanted

It has come to my attention that the hallucinators of Amherst are completely underserved. They no longer look behind their backs, they no longer check their closets and they no longer jump at passing birds. This situation is outrageous! If you are a talented hallucination, please email the management of this paper at
hallucinations@surrealtimes.net. We are looking for hallucinations with experiences in the following forms:

  1. Seven-Foot-Tall Clowns
  2. Spiders (non-jumping)
  3. Bloody Pelicans
  4. R. Lee Ermey (ghost)
  5. Killer dolls
  6. Spiders (jumping)
For more articles by Gustav, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email chief.gustav@surrealtimes.net.


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