"Beware The Tabun Needle"

The Times has received this letter from a very distressed Saul Smalls. He was adamant we publish it as is, even though he is in a self proclaimed “state of degeneration.” Due to its importance to the Fake Sun movements, we thought it prudent to comply with his request.

“BEWARE THE TABUN NEEDLE. I see them walking in the dining halls, waiting to inject me.. Low back gallows men thugs TAKE THE SUN, put MICROCHIP IN BACK, and now PUT US UNDER TO RECEIVE LETHAL TO SEE TABUN NEEDLE. Induced in me a state of TOTAL DEGENERATION from which I will not recover, PERMANENT DEGENERATION, UNCEASING SLEEP AWAKE ETERNAL STATE OF MIND-DEATH DEGENERATION as my axons and dendrites turn to MUSH.

To begin with, I was at Downtown Crossing and I had to make a purchase from the now defunct CEX. As I waited in line I saw an employee swearing under his breath. I began to panic - clearly an agent of the FAKE SUN and controlled by its AIR LOOM which sends BAD AIR to the UNITED STATES AND OTHERS, the air loom is the Control Means. I paid and I ran out but it was too late. THE AIR LOOM had activated my FAKE SUN RECEPTORY, sending me into a state of panic and confusion! We all have Fake Sun Receptory, but activated by the Air Loom only. Ducked into the burger king as the lowback thug scum circled. Once in the burger king I had to blend in or I would be selected for PERMANENT RETIREMENT, NAMELY, via TABUN NEEDLE POISONING. This was their method of extermination, to poison anything I drink. Cleverly I purchased a fountain soda - throw them off my back! I cleverly deduced cleverly that the noose lowback thugs wouldn't poison the entire still with TABUN NEEDLE. I poured the soda and got a table. I cleverly put the soda down and retreated the bathroom. Paying customer, free bathroom! I collected myself and walked out of the store, leaving the poison cola on the table. BEWARE THE TABUN NEEDLE, or you will end up like me - degenerate, lowly and unable to look my loved ones in the eye.

The Times wishes the best to Mr. Smalls, and have encouraged him to seek treatment. Unfortunately, Mr. Smalls illness, per him in a more lucid state, is cyclical. While he may experience states of “degeneration,”, he will spiral back to control soon.

For more articles by Saul Smalls, with the help of an editor surviving the same illness, click here. To establish direct correspondence, email smalls.saul@surrealtimes.net.