A Recording Of The Ranting Of The Hermenaut
Last issue, the Times reported on the heated contest for the prestigious title of Ultimate Hermit. Peter B. Barnes has blasted himself into orbit, where he berates the planet via radio for eighteen hours a day. He lives on specifically designed plants which he grows within his sealed capsule. The Times thought it proper to print a transcript of part of his rant, seeing as the Times readers will eventually vote on who should receive the title of Ultimate Hermit.”
Transcription:""" You ninnies! Incompetent! I once had a rat named William. He ate all my food and bit me in a sensitive area. He was a loathsome animal. I wanted him to die. I would rather live with TEN THOUSAND Williams in my sphere than even a single baby! The baby is the ultimate form of human life because it CANNOT speak. This is a distinct advantage. So be like a baby and: shut up!
I am happy that skyscrapers are becoming more common - because more people will fall off them!
Very soon all the nuclear silos will have to be rewired - have fun! I hope that they all go off and knock my sphere out of orbit, because if I have even a chance of landing on one of you, my death will be worth it! """
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