Hippo Causes Destruction Downtown

Quickly Struck Down by God

Amherst, MA -- On Sunday, as churchgoers exited their churches, they saw a scene of destruction all across downtown Amherst. In the middle of the 4-way intersection, they observed a ginormous hippopotamus gnawing on two mopeds and a bicycle like a sandwich.

They immediately turned to Father Frank, as they always do in times of uncertainty. “Father, what a sight. What does this mean for us?!” They frantically asked in unison.

“Well, my children..”, Father Frank started off, making awkward eye contact with a couple twice his age, “It could be worse, couldn't it? Mr. and Mrs. Jemersfon. Why don't you tell your Brothers and Sisters under God about your bedtime gumbo? Maybe it will help them see the bright side of this situation."

“Oh yes, Father!” Mrs. Jemersfon exclaimed with that old lady twinkle in her eyes. “Well, first, you add the oil, some crab, a little bay leaf....” She continued on, as her Brothers and Sisters flicked their eyes back and forth from a recipe as entertaining as spoken word. Meanwhile, the ginormous hippopotamus made its way inside the church.

A creak in the floor alerted the crowd to the hippo in the foyer. When the crowd went silent, the hippo announced, "I love bedtime gumbo" and proceeded to devour 7 people, starting with the Jemersfons.

Father Frank quickly called upon God's wrath, "thou shalt be punished for your sins of greedy gluttony!" At that moment, a lightning bolt zipped through the front door and incinerated the hippo.

A sister that was very eager try out Mrs. Jemersfon’s gumbo recipe immediately took two teaspoons of the final and most important ingredient; wench, above 60, covered in stomach fluids of large mammal recently incinerated by force of divine origins.

"How convenient", she said, before whipping up a big batch made for the purpose of feeding first responders to the destruction caused by the hippo rampage.

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