Some have never seen him. Some claim that they have. Others have seen him, but believe otherwise.
I write to you today seeking out your personal testimonies, experiences, and your intimate encounters with the one they call “The Hobbling Jelly Filler”.
You can be almost unsure you’ve seen him if you see a silhouetted figure hobbling sideways in the darkness. You can be unsure-er and more so if you wake up in a dumpster the following morning with a stomach bloated to three times normal size and little recollection of the prior night -- feeling hungover but without a headache, with strawberry or (on weekends) blueberry jelly splattered on the rims of your nostrils, ears, and mouth.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to your local butler to tell them about your experiences. They will relay your information to us. We only correspond through trustee buttler lads of the name of Jeeves! Such lads are the most experienced individuals in the area of forced Jelly Filling.
The Buttlers Named Jeeves Collective has been shaking down recently-fired ex-employees of local donut shops, in hopes of discovering an employee sufficiently disheveled and angry to want to fill people with enough jelly to wipe their memories, or, one disillusioned enough to think that people actually want to be jelly-filled. One other possibility is that the Hobbling Jelly Filler convinces his victims but that they do not recall being convinced due to the intensity of the occurrence. Regardless, the collective could use any information it could get.