Pop Magazine Pivots Focus Away from The Animate

As a result of the recent surge of interest in inanimate smut and sexualized parasites, Josmotolitan Magazine has pivoted sharply away from its original approach to fashion advice, sex tips, and celebrity news. Editor in Chief, Jojo Van Juggajugo, has made an executive creative decision to relate nearly all content to super Saiyan level sexualized bacteria. That, and furniture.

Josmo now shows images of bodacious couches, sexy-in-a-powerful-way bookshelves, and other items. It craftily explains how to dress such items up in the most attractive way possible, and how to make love to them. It also zooms in on the bacteria under blankets and cushions and explains how to keep this bacteria as maximally aroused. As a result of all this, certain furniture items and certain bacteria colonies have attained celebrity status.

Phrases like "That cushion is jam-packed with frisky micro worms" are becoming increasingly common. "It’s the sexiest couch in town. The best part is, it’s got some freaky bugs too."

"I love the way I and bounce on it until I'm too tired to walk, and even when I'm bedridden (ooh!) afterward, still have the pleasure of feeling its micro minions fondling my hairs.”

No one knows how Jojo Van Juggajugo was able to convince her investors of this creative decision. But, what close sources do tell us, is than Juggajugo has not left his leather sofa for 6 months, apparently laminated by a hardened mixture of sweat and semen. Meanwhile, Josmo sales have increased respectably. With that, I, Boobnbob, Surreal Times Reporter, have only one thing left to say to summarize all this. If you can't beat em, join em.

For more articles by BoobnBob, click here. To establish contact, email boobnbob@surrealtimes.net.

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