Amherst Annual Orchestra To Perform This Year's Stunt
Forecast for Hallow's Eve Eve
Jolly horns will burp spine-bending sounds, accented by pippen flute pipes and other instruments during the coming night of frights. Monsters, chained by their necks to street lamps and mailboxes, will be scraping their fingertips raw against the crumbling thick pavement, desperately trying to pry open the chest of the world and euphorically extract its heart. Kids will venture near and ask for yingalings and dandy pops. They won’t understand why the monsters get so furious when interrupted. They won't understand why the monsters will pull their chains tight, rampaging after certain trick or treaters, trying to tear off the heads of any soul reflecting blue light.. but merely the arms of individuals wearing brown.. the fingers of those in green.. and plucking the peach fuzz of those in the lightest of greens.
Fortunately, young and innocent onlookers won’t traumatize for long, because they will be occupied by the rising climax of Amherst Annual Orchestra, a grand band that plays just once a year and never again, over and over again.
It will go like this. Louder louder louder. Building, and ever impelling! A bassline, a drumroll, the sousaphones hollering a punchy groove, with the saxophones, the clarinets, and the flutes all soloing wildly and far-reachingly simultaneously, giving rise to a great cathartic divine invigorating chaos. But the flutes will fade with the Doppler Effect. The clarinets will fall away similarly. The saxophones will wail a low tone as they fade. The sousaphones, in their great breadth, will make a whooshing sound as they fall. And the snares will conclude the matter with an Bah-duh-tsssss, before taking their final steps and rendering that as that.
The music will have stopped, its makers having dropped far down a most giant well of diameter 100 meters.
Immediately afterwards, the monsters will give up their attempts at accessing the chest cavity of the earth. They will lift their binding telephone poles, light posts, and mailboxes from the ground. A rainbow stream of brass and silver will flow up from the well, leaving instruments in the hands of all good children.
And the monsters will use their newly repurposed utensils as a conductor’s sticks, regally molding an inspired generation of trick or treaters to become music performers.
If you have a chance, dance your way to a mailbox and look inside. You might find an invitation.
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