I write concerning a disturbing phenomena which should alarm any right-minded citizen. I speak, of course, of the rising tide of delusional bigfoot enthusiasts. Perhaps you’ve seen them searching the woods behind UMass with magnifying glasses, hoping to find traces of bigfoot fur. They now spread the dysfunction to the youth. Just two days ago I saw a young boy, no older than eight, wearing an “I Believe” shirt with a bigfoot on it! This dangerous bigfoot preoccupation is just another sign of the downfall of Amherst, a downfall which can only be prevented by a return to civic-mindedness. So I implore you: let bigfoot return to myth, and occupy yourselves with building our city.
Sincerely, George S. Halfly
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