Ant Pursues Fountain of Youth
An industrious young Amherst ant has a adopted a peculiar pastime - even for an ant! Snippers Magrumfry, a small brown ant from a colony in the wooded area behind CVS, says that he is convinced the mythical fountain of youth is actually located inside the Gamestop at the Hampshire Mall. While The Times wasn’t able to pry out of Magumfry why he believes this, we do have a glimmer of insight to offer. Among the detritus around Magumfry’s ant hill was a discarded receipt for Assassin’s Creed 3. The second item on the receipt? A lifetime guarantee for the game itself. The Times suspects that this is the source of Magumfry’s misunderstanding. This poses quite the ethical dilemma. On one hand, the life of an ant is very short, and any at all hope seems to be a precious commodity to the ant. On the other, perhaps with a life so short, an ant ought to concern themselves with the here and now. The Surreal Times is having an internal debate as to what to do about Magumfry, but we welcome any reader comments as to how to handle this delicate situation.
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