Last week the fundamental particles of existence, electrons and protons, became confused and suddenly changed roles. Electrons, while typically negatively-charged, became positively-charged. Protons, normally positively-charged, took on a negative charge.

This change, although microscopic, produced widespread effects.

In just milliseconds, every molecule turned completely inside out. All chemical bonds were broken for an instant, and during this period of complete chemical detachment, the world went fuzzy like the picture on a television from the 1960s whose cable had been chewed.

One woman explained, “If I had been able to observe this occurrence -- and I couldn’t, due to my eyes being chemically unbonded -- I might have described it as looking normal, but that’s only because my vision has gotten blurry with old age. In any case, things must have been weird.”

Miraculously, all the inverted molecules in the universe began to function almost per usual. “It was like Mother Nature had a brain fart for a second,” said one Amherst resident, “but she figured things out before too long.”

There were lasting effects, however. In the wake of the shift individuals found that power outlets, instead of charging their devices, would now pull energy from them. Plugging your phone in overnight will render it dead in the morning. Refrigerators are becoming heat boxes, electrical cars are driving backwards, blow-dryers are swallowing people’s hair. South is North and North is South. It’s calamity out here, and there’s no chance it will change unless someone rewires the entire world in reverse. But, then again, if we did rewire everything backwards, who’s to say that the universe won’t flip the switch again?

If we are indeed living in a simulation, whoever is at its helm deserves a spanking.

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Comments

[Random passerby@Sep.15 4:58pm]: All that matters is whether two charges are the same or different; the words "positive" and "negative" are arbitary.

[Random passerby@Sep.15 4:59pm]: [cont.] Therefore, nothing should have changed in ordinary atoms. Something else, something fishy, must be going on...

[Another passerby@Oct.11 11:32pm]: If blowdryers are sucking and fridges are heating, that implicates something a bit broader

[Spengleton@Nov.25 3:56am]: Hello, passerby, could you please elaborate? My life depends on it.

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