Bounty Placed on Fountain of Youth

Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel,
Surreal Times Reporter

Note: The Surreal Times welcomes Moe back to writing after surviving his ordeal. Details regarding his return can be found in the online article THE DEATH OF SURREALITY (part 2 of 3)

Notorious arms dealer Marcus van Door, known as the “Baron of Bullets”, has posted a ten million prize for information leading to the Fountain of Youth. The Fountain, assumed by many to be mythical, is said to either revert aging or grant immortality.

“For too long I have shortened lives,” the Baron said, “I now wish to lengthen them.” Many have called the Baron a hypocrite. Immediately before announcing the prize, the Baron was reported to have closed a $30 million arms deal with Serbia. Rumors swirl about his involvement with the Syrian government and possible deals with insurgent forces in the region. Some accuse the Baron of arming both sides of the conflict. Still, the Baron insists his interests in the Fountain are purely humanitarian.

He ended his interview with a rare moment of introspection: “I’ve done many things that require qualifications. It’s time I do something unambiguous, that is clear and right. We have to find the Fountain Of Youth.”

For more articles by Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email tiny.schlemiel@surrealtimes.net.

POST A COMMENT

See Also

Want to read more news? Click here for a random article.