The same government organization responsible for the first successful full body transplant [1] on a vertebrate [2] is now deploying dragon fly mind control headsets onto dragonflies around the world. Military and private investigators are using them as surveillance vehicles. They are also used on farms and in other places — on farms, specifically, as vehicles for delivering pesticides and other chemicals to plants and insects.

You might conjecture that it would be easier to engineer a simple robotic bug than to reverse engineer an extraordinarily-complicated biological dragonfly? You might be onto something.

But these headsets have a cleverness to them. Instead of trying to control every menial wing flap or twitch of the host’s eye, the idea is to send commands only to brain regions responsible for executive functions. Take an example. The headset tells the dragonfly to fly in a certain direction, or to complete a certain task on the conceptual level. The creature then harnesses its instincts and abilities in ways that scientists and engineers could never replicate themselves. The idea is to harness nature’s incomprehensible grace! We convince the dragonfly that it wants to do X, rather than ensuring that its neurons fire in such a way to make it indeed do X.

The process is analogous to hijacking a boat by bribing its captain, as opposed to wastefully paying off all of the deckhands. The headset sends executive signals coding for high level organism functionality. A signal might tell the captain to deliver cargo to Anchorage, as opposed to describing every menial step in the process of navigating to Anchorage, unloading, and returning. Going forward, the captain manages all of his subordinates, delegating subtasks and leveraging the power of his crew — all without the input of the headset device.

This organization, in order to fund further research, has been selling units of its technology to the private companies. One remarkable sale case was that involving a PETA subsidiary called POAPBATPP (Pissed Off about Polar Bears & the Pipeline People). This group applied the dragonfly mind control technology on polar bears. And, very surprisingly, after some much needed resizing and revamping of the headset, they were successful in there purposes. They convinced polar bears to rise from their winter hibernations, abandon their dens, and construct new dens in the center of the various oil drilling encampments in Deadhorse, Alaska [3], where endangered species protection laws prohibit any human interference with the bears.

Going forward, these polar bears, on the command of POAPBATPP, encroached upon any worker who dared drill for oil. When operations managers attempted to covertly displace the bears during the 24-hour darkness period of the year [4], PETA assigned armed helicopter security teams to provide protection from the sky for the bears. The oil companies had no option but to halt work for the remainder of the season. Their hope was to conserve resources well enough to endure the bears’ hibernation period, and then to proceed with drilling once the bears get on the move for their spring hunt. However each oil company in town declared bankruptcy before the winter’s end.

In conclusion, things are looking bright for polar bears as well as the environment in whole. Spring is upon Deadhorse. The sun is shining again.

[1] It is worth noting that a full body transplant is rather indistinguishable from a head transplant.
[2] This vertebrate was a monkey.
[3] Deadhorse is the northernmost road-accessible town in Alaska. It dips its toes in the oil drilling industry, fiberoptics, and the Arctic Ocean.

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