Flip Gilligan's Guide For Listening To "kid A" By Radiohead
When I first listened to Kid A by Radiohead back in 2000, I thought it was the most mind-blowing thing I had heard since the time my dog swallowed helium. Not only did the album change the entire landscape of alternative music in the 21st century, but it also changed the way I listen to music. I could no longer just play something in the background while I’m brushing my teeth. Every album needs to be a ritualistic experience. This is my own track-by-track listening guide for Radiohead’s masterpiece. If you follow every instruction exactly, you too may achieve enlightenment. 1. “Everything in its Right Place”: Before you press play, you need to surround yourself in a circle of exactly 25 candles. Remove all of your clothes and sit cross-legged in the center. After several deep breaths, press play and close your eyes. You will find yourself on a different plane. The disorienting music pumping in your ear will allow you to see shapes and vibrant colors. You may start to feel fear, especially as Thom Yorke’s robotic vocals seem to grow increasingly louder. However, you must embrace the disorientation. You have now entered the world of Kid A.
2. “Kid A”: This track is more playful than the opener. Still just as strange, but more glitchy and funky. Feel yourself at ease. Start to dance and contort your body into different shapes. Did you know you can touch your nose with your feet? Did you know you can put both legs behind your head? You probably didn’t realize you had this power until now.
3. “The National Anthem”: On the album’s most aggressive and political song, fantasize that you’re a power-hungry dictator. Set up rows of stuffed animals to act as your loyal army. Don a military jacket. Rally your troops. Give a rousing speech. Order your army of teddy bears to kill the enemy in your name. As the song builds to a chaotic cacophony of horns, witness the horror you caused. You now understand how power corrupts and how easily people can be manipulated.
4. “How to Disappear Completely”: For the album’s most gorgeous and melancholy tracks, curl up into a ball at the corner of your room. Stare into space and rock yourself back and forth. Linger on every mistake you’ve made in your life. Remember the time you ate the last cookie and blamed the dog? Remember when you puked on your date at the State Fair? Remember short-changing that lady at the Stop N Shop? If you look closely at your hands, you can see yourself slowly turning invisible. You will find you are melding into the corner of the room. You are not here. This is not happening.
5. “Treefingers”: An atmospheric interlude to separate both sides of the album. Take a break. Make yourself a sandwich.
6. “Optimistic”: This track requires you to people-watch. Get in your car or go out for a walk in a residential area. Stare at all the different faces and each of their individual expressions. Notice their vacant, depressed gazes. Think about how everyone is just a puppet controlled by some cruel master, and one day the puppet master will eat us whole. Get super angsty. By the time you get home, pick up your guitar and write a Mountain Goats song.
7. “In Limbo”: On the most unearthly song on Kid A, start meditating. As you fall into a deep sleep, begin having visions of multitudes of lightning bugs. Each of the bugs has different colors that alternate between deep red and piercing blues. As the song continues to spiral, notice the colors start to blend together until it forms into a bright neon Jackson Pollock painting. The colors begin to melt away into a pulsing mess. Wake up and vomit all over yourself.
8. “Idioteque”: Get in a car and hit the gas. Imagine you’re a crash test dummy laying motionless in the front seat while the car hurtles down an empty street. For the full effect, drive in the dead of night and bring a portable strobe light. The strobe light will match the pulsating beat and the rapid intensity of the track. You may crash your car, but that’s part of the experience.
9. “Morning Bell”: Steal your cousin’s mattress and carry it to an empty residential beach. Lay on the mattress and stare up into the heavens. Imagine that Johnny Greenwood’s guitars are seagulls. Belt out “Releeaaassse meeee” as loud as you can. It’s okay. Only the crabs can hear you.
10. “The National Anthem”: Your journey has ended. Go on a nature walk and gaze at all the empty trees. Take in the crisp air and reflect on the past 45 minutes. You witnessed the outside of your own mind. You understood the limits of power and studied the human condition. You have seen colors you never even knew existed. You lost control of your own body. You have been on an emotional and metaphysical adventure. Now it is a time for rest. Look up at the hazy blue sky and let Thom Yorke’s soothing organ lull you into a state of harmony.
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