His Name Is Mr. Terrible and He Just Likes to Sneak Around

[[Artist's depiction of Mr. Terrible by Marina Parella]]

In Amherst, profound individuals live alongside common folk, doing common things, holding common sentiments and dressing in common attire. The nature of our community is to treat these people normally and let them live happy lives away from their status, fame, and whatever other hullabaloo that may burden them.

I met a man recently who calls himself Mr. Terrible. You probably haven’t seen him before, but he’s seen you! That’s a bit of a joke on my end, but it’s true.

Mr. Terrible’s business is organized crime. Without giving too many details, he said that the front page of his long resume brandishes “assault & battery”, “substance production”, and “international arbitrage”, in addition to other notorious acts.

He has been successful in his professional life. He has accumulated great wealth and an expansive network. Today he lives large as one of the most revered criminals in his region (which he chooses not to reveal). Even as accomplished as he is, he continues to engage in a variety of unaccepted behaviors in pursuit of more money, power, and respect.

But, when it comes down to it — the simple pleasures of life — Mr. Terrible is a different man than his ruthless professional self. All the women and the drugs and flashiness.. All the street wars and the adrenaline and the glory that they come with.. To Mr. Terrible, these are superficial pursuits.

Deep down, Mr. Terrible just likes to sneak around. It isn’t about acquiring material items. It isn’t about profit, power, or anything else. It, life, isn’t about who your father is, what your profession is, or where you stand in relation to others.

That’s how Mr. Terrible looks at the world. So, I asked him, “If it is not about any of these things, then what is it about?”

Mr. Terrible explained that he simply loves the challenge of getting close enough to hear a person breathe, without ever person ever knowing he was there. He then departs secretly, having done no harm. That is his passion. That is his soul. That is what gets him up in the morning and what makes him feel most alive.

So, on his days off from business, he takes day trips from wherever his hometown is, to Amherst. In a town where no-one knows his real name or history, he can finally be himself.

Now, why would he tell me this? I’m sad to say that it is because he has been harrassed increasingly much over recent years, especially during the school year. People criticize Mr. Terrible for who he is and what he does. They threaten him because the harmless ways in which he enjoys life are strange and perhaps scary.

I want to tell the world that Mr. Terrible is a pure soul. And, while he is in Amherst, at least, he is harmless. So, if you catch him sneaking around downtown -- whether he is crawling up behind you, hiding in a bush, spying from afar, or bumper hopping — please, have no fear. Please let him be him. He means no harm.

For more articles by Ron Gutterston, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email gutterston.ron@surrealtimes.net.


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