AMHERST, Ma -- As social distancing rules take effect all over the Pioneer Valley, local eccentric Bus Stop Bob has been forced from his favorite seat on the left side of the bench across from La Vera Cruzana Mexican Restaurant. Of course, if you know Bob, real name Roger Hockley, you know he’s not one to let that get him down. Sitting on the bench he’s kept dry through many rainstorms is a little card bearing this curious message:

HELLO. I HAVE BEEN SENT INTO MY HOME TO SHELTER IN PLACE
SO THAT I MAY RETURN TO YOU SOMEDAY AGAIN TO KINDLY
WHISPER TRUTHS DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EAR.
IF YOU MISS SUCH TRANSACTIONS, I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU.

CALL THIS TOLL FREE NUMBER:
1-800-555-0126

Dial the following for any of my greatest hits:

1. Updates on the martians I have captive in my garage
2. Trivia that they have told me about far off planets
3. Sprouting and growing beets without soil
4. Identification of the mushrooms growing through the cracks in the pavement
5. Microscopic fishing

I am also available for holistic humming by request, you may reach me at the above number and the extension: ℵ0

Surreal Times staff have confirmed that the dialable extensions will connect you with a pre-recorded message of Mr. Hockley recounting many of the fan favorites of a long career as a bus stop mutterer (which includes a stint as the Professional Crackpot’s Poet Laureate, a coveted prize indeed). Unfortunately at the time of this writing our staff have not yet managed to dial his listed personal extension, but are seeking a phone capable of doing so. We hope to reach him soon.

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