Monstrous House Cat Donated to Shelter

Amherst, MA --- Caretakers found a cardboard box labeled “DONATION” at the front step of Craig’s Place Shelter. This was unusual, given that they have a designated donations box on the property.

The situation made more sense when caretakers heard scratching sounds from inside the box and read the accompanying note:

I love my dearest fuzzy pickles so much. But I also know that a lot of people in this world are in need, so I am willing to give him away to a good cause. He has gotten quite fat in his later years. Surely his meat can fill many bellies. My apologies for not using your donations box. I don’t think FP would like it in there much.

Sincerely, Granny

This box did contain a live striped Persian cat, both old and extraordinarily fat. Going further, this anonymous “Granny” had shaved it, as she explained in the postscript:

P.S. I gave FP a shave to help out in the preparation process. I know hair is considered unsanitary these days, with the lice epidemic and all. I figured you would appreciate being able to jump straight to the cooking phase.

Although the shelter is in need of food donations at this time, it is unable to accept living meat products. Unfortunately, without knowing who’s grandmother sent in this note, we were unable to return it to its home. Meanwhile, our patrons have enjoyed spending time with Fuzzy Pickles because Fuzzy Pickles, although not the most handsome cat around, is enormously loving and a pleasure to share space with.

Please get in touch if you know whose “Granny‘’ it is who donated Fuzzy Pickles. We would like to thank her for the donation. Also please get in touch if you have any potential food donations which are of the typical kind -- canned food, bread, and et cetera.


For more articles by Opa Kaanrus, click here. To establish contact, email kaanrus.opa@surrealtimes.net.

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