Off-campus Apartment Evicts Tenants
NORTH AMHERST --- Two roommates were left homeless after discovering their Puffton Village apartment is self aware. This realization occurred around 10:31 PM on Friday, October 13, while the renters were preparing for a night of partying.
“We were sitting there getting high, my roommate and I, when all of the sudden I thought I heard somebody scream, ‘GET OUT OF ME!’” said Vance Voorhees, a tenant of 666 Puffton. “I thought I was hallucinating, but I saw a sick look of fear on my roommate’s face. I said ‘bro, did you hear that?’ and he was like, ‘yeah bro what the heck?’ then we heard it again,” Voorhees described a dark force that overcame him and his roommate Miguel Myers. They were both sent, along with their paraphernalia, tumbling out the front door, shattering the waterpipe and bottles of booze.
“We didn’t know what to do, the bus was coming at 10:42 so we had to go or we were going to miss the party,” said Myers. The roommates got back home around two in the morning to find that their apartment was locked and their keys would not work. After attempts to force the door open, the tenants said they heard the same voice they had believed a hallucination.
“Go away, you people have destroyed my insides. You play obnoxious music, and never fail to to get urine on my precious toilet seats.”
The tenants say the source of this voice was the apartment itself. The personified unit 666 broke its’ windows and began to attack both Voorhees and Myers by utilizing the staircase handrail as an appendage.
The boys called the police during the assault, but Emergency Operators dismissed it as drunken antics. Police did not arrive on the scene until nearly an hour later after receiving noise complaints in the same area. Officers showed up to 666 Puffton where they were met with the bodies of Myers and Voorhees, lying lifelessly underneath their reanimated spirits.
Voorhees commented on the transition into his new ghost form, “It’s going to take some getting used to. Everytime I go to sit down I fall through my seat to the floor, but at least since I’m dead I don’t need to go to class anymore. Since Miguel and I are spirits though, our possessed apartment is letting us back inside!”
Puffton management gave no comment other than an expression of grief for the deceased and their family. The apartment has since been boarded up and scheduled for demolition by November, followed by an exorcism in December.
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