Opinion: Animal Testing Is Wrong, Use Furries Instead

There comes a time where we as a society must come together and collectively agree to finally act upon what is a long-standing moral injustice. Animal testing is wrong. Putting animals through excruciating pain to ensure our own drugs and medicine are safe and effective is both selfish and cruel. We should be doing this to furries instead.

Hear me out, for I know some of you may think me mad or misguided, but I am far from either. I will admit that as a man of medicine I once abided animal testing, considering it to be a necessary evil which benfits outweighed the suffering it caused. But then I realized that no evil is necessary. All of the many living things that coinhabit this planet we call home, small and large, gentle and ferocious, deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect we desire for ourselves — except for furries. How can we even justify inflicting agony upon another living creature as if their pain is not as valid as our own, while ignoring the plain and simple fact that furries continue to go unpunished for spitting in the face of God?

I will admit I was not always a man of such passionate conviction. Before I rediscovered my spirituality, I found myself lacking any sense of purpose or reason for being, but since converting to the Church of Intergalactic Mormonism, I understand what I was sent here to do: to protect god’s most innocent creations that are incapable of protecting themselves, and to subject furries to but a mere taste of the unimaginable suffering they will endure when they are inevitably cast into the deepest darkest pits of hell. Ask yourself, do you really want to be living life like I used to, going through it without any reason or purpose, or are you interested in being someone who knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are making the world a better place?

I haven’t even yet brought up the scientific benefits alone. There is an elephant in the room we have not been addressing (this metaphor alludes to an actual elephant, not an unsettling anthropomorphic one with all too human eyes). I am of course talking about the fact that with traditional animal testing, drugs that are intended to eventually be used on humans are being tried out on creatures that are not human, thus limiting the effectiveness of these studies. However, there is an obvious workaround for this, furries are in fact humans dressed as animals, thus they will have the exact same reaction to a potentially dangerous Alzheimer's drug as an actual human being. Breakthroughs in medical research would accelerate to an unfathomable degree, we may even be able to find a cure to cancer in the next 5-10 years! So the real question is, aren’t we the bad guys if we don’t do this?

I know many of you may consider my viewpoints controversial and shocking, and others might suggest I have deep underlying rage issues stemming from long-repressed trauma, but I implore you to at the very least to consider what I have to say. The current system is insane in the first place, am I truly that crazy? Am I? Actually please tell me, I legitimately have no idea.

For more articles by Dr. Mormonius Rex, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email rex@surrealtimes.net.


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