Optometrist Takes New Approach
A local optometrist is garnering attention for an impressive accomplishment.
She was on her morning crawl when the idea burst through her. She would harness the capabilities of animals for the purposes of eye health.
It would not be easy.
She started by studying the park squirrels. Mimicking them, crawling on all fours, eating her ex-husbands nuts. She finished by gathering a handful of eyeless worms and putting them where no creature with eyes would ever want to be. And moving her hips like a dancer.
Those worms would be the answer. Specifically, the worms after they've salsa'd. Those worms would then be put on the eyelids of the un-seeing, not the blind, just those without substance, without spark.
Something about the 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 of the salsa rhythm, made these worms perspire fluids which acted as vehicles for great wisdom. When put upon the eyes of narrow sighted or narrow-minded individuals, these individuals entered a deep slumber.
When these individuals would wake up, their eyesight would be tremendously improved, as would their capacity for foresight.
The treatment is so incredibly effective, patients are flocking to Doctor Chisnaug from all directions. Some focus on the optical benefits of her medical approach. Others desperately need the cognitive enhancement that only she can provide. Unfortunately, as of last week, no-one is receiving her treatment, because the weather has dried up the dirt, thereby forcing worms to retreat deeper into the earth. Doctor Chisnaug has consequently retreated to the wilderness in search of denser worm supplies. She plans to return only once her cooler is full of juicy night crawlers of a particular kind.
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