There has been a rumbling, or some say, a cawing, in the underground truth networks. Now initially, I was only curious. As a seeker of the truth, I am used to prodding for the sake of whatever tiny mote of information might show itself to me. That little nugget of truth, before unseen, would be all I need. It’s a great hobby. I wish I had known such a tidbit would lead me to this untapped potential. I received a question a long time ago, and I’m still in the deepest dungeons of ignorance trying to shine some light on the truth:

“Who buys the cars?”

This was as much context as I got but, after spending weeks staking out car dealerships, I may have found a lead. I took dozens of photographs, and after developing them in my darkroom (I don’t want the Network to get them just in case things go south with those guys), I found one which at first made me laugh (Above Photo).

I gave up the pretense of suspense by putting my evidence front and center. What are these crows looking for? Once I developed this photo I started seeing a couple of crows every stake I did. They always seem to go in pairs; I think it maximizes their reach without rousing suspicion. Think about it: who cares about two birds walking near each other, but three’s different, three’s a pattern, three’s company. I’ve almost never seen a person walk onto these lots, and when I do they poke about, maybe talk to a smiley gladhand trying to sell them a car(or pretending), and then leave. A question to the reader who has driven anywhere outside the city: Who buys all these cars? After my preliminary investigation, I think the crows are buying them.

I know people may balk at this, but the logic is valid. People do not buy new cars; they are too expensive and depreciate too quickly to justify the investment. However, if the new cars were clandestinely bought up and released onto the much more fertile grounds of the used car market, they would be snapped up. The next question an astute observer might ask is: how do crows stand to gain from this? A naive but necessary question. Since the crows would never be welcome in the automotive industry (I’ve heard more than whispers through the grapevine about the Detroit Skeet-Shooting Massacres), they must have large stakes in oil. The more drivers, the more buyers, the more silver in their beaks. It’s a clever racket. I have yet to do field investigations on this, but I predict that electric car dealers do not see these crow shoppers. They stand to gain nothing. Perhaps they buy them up and drive them off cliffs. They may even collect the shiny things as war trophies and place them in the Mother Nest. This will require further investigation.

Thank you for your attention. There are questions everywhere waiting to be answered, you just have to look.

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