The Hermenaut Blasts Himself Into Orbit
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Peter B. Barnes, now known as “The Hermenaut”, has fulfilled his decade long promise to shoot himself into orbit permanently. Barnes, the world's first Hermit-Astronaut, spent ten years creating a perfectly self sustaining capsule and learning rocketry. The capsule, a fiberglass sphere with a diameter of 10 feet, contains genetically modified plants to supply food, water and oxygen. The fifty four year old has no need for clothes and any luxuries, save a solar powered one way radio which he uses to berate the Earth during every waking minute.
“Lousy hypocrites! Human pieces of dung! Deceitful, miserable, lying, cheating, no-good, back-stabbing, cheating, shill, snake-in-the-boot, good-for-nothing, lying, miserable ants! All of you ants! I’ve no use for you! Stick your head in a vat of acid, all of you ninnies!”
The Hermenaut regiments his beration into three daily six hour chunks, with space left for three fifteen minute reprieves and a sleeping block. During his ranting yesterday, the Hermenaut said that his favorite part of the day was launching bags of his excretions towards Earth. The Surreal Times will document this history as it unfolds. This reporter is slightly envious of Mr. Barnes.
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