Tomlinson LLC Experiences Workplace Friction

Alarms blared across the factory floor. A voice on intercom yelled, “The nuts have fallen into the pocketbook! I repeat, the nuts have fallen into the pocketbook!” What happened that day gave rise to a new age of factory compliance.

The boss, Mr. Tomlinson, ferociously stomped over to the panicked woman on the assembly line whose pocketbook was now filled with nuts. “Darla,” he said in a commanding tone. “I told you two times to never ever, under any circumstances, allow so many nuts in your pocketbook.”

“I know, Mr. Tomlinson.”

“Now what exactly have you done, Darla, for the 3rd time?”

She shamefully admitted, “I let the nuts into my pocketbook.”

Mr. Tomlinson apologized for what he was about to do. He said he didn’t want to do it, but he had no choice.

Mr. Tomlinson bent dear darling DARLA over the side of the conveyor belt, ripped off his belt, and let his nuts smack across the mini-fridge she was in the process of assembling. “HOW ABOUT THESE NUTS FOR YOUR NUTS, HUH DARLA? You get nuts in your pocket, you get nuts on your fucking fridge Darla. That’s how it goes.”

Mr. Tomlinson turned to the other refrigerator factory workers who had gathered around. “YOU HERE ME, PUSSIES? IF YOU LET THE NUTS IN YOUR POCKETS, I’M GOING TO WIPE MY NUTS ALL OVER YOUR REFRIGERATORS, AND THERE’S NOT A DAMN THING YOU’RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO ABOUT IT. Kiss your 3.5-star yelp reviews goodbye.

Darla, red in the face, wiped the nut smudge off the stainless steel. She removed her husband Donny’s nuts from her pocketbook and allowed them to slingshot back into his pants as he sat beside her.

“COCK-A-POWAAA!!!!!” Darla’s husband WRETCHED as his balls slung back 10 feet into his pants. “DARLA, I TOLD YOU IM SENSITIVE,” he whined.

The boss, Mr. Tomlinson, had the final word. “DARLA, DARLAO. Remember what I told you all those times before. A mans be sensitive. Just ask my nuts, havin’ to slap across steel all day. That shit ain’t stainless, ya hear! Eh, well, it ain’t painless, ya hear….” He trailed off as the soreness, and embarrassment, once again set in. Mr. Tomlinson iced himself, then added another 5-star review to the Yelp.

“Everyone shut your traps, shut your zippers, and let’s get back to doing what we do best here at Tomlinson Fridges LLC, that is, nothing at all.”

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