US Senator Mike Stabyu announced via the political social media platform BetterTwitter that he has contracted all-star goon Mr. Morkly for 490,000 dollars, making Morkly currently the highest paid goon on the market. Mr. Morkly previously worked for Dr. Celebrio before a miniaturization experiment gone wrong led to Celebrio being fatally stepped on by a pigeon.

Senator Stabyu, an Independant representing the state of Bigger Pennsylvania remarked “Mr. Morkly has proven time and time again to be the best person around for helping you get away with evil shit. That’s exactly what I intend to do because that’s what the voters elected me to do.” Mr. Morkly declined to make a statement, but his mother Dr. Gloria Grin stated “When I first attached a parakeet cage to a robot body and taught the parakeet to pilot the thing, I never thought he would come as far as he did today. We’re all so proud of you Morkly, if only your brothers Flappers and Cheepy were alive to see this and hadn’t been eaten by Mr. Mittens.”

Kevin Sneed, president of Goons United, declared that “This is a monumental occasion for goons everywhere. Never before have we felt so valued. I think soon enough calling someone a goon will no longer be an insult

---

POST A COMMENT

Submit

---

See Also

Want to read more news? Click here for a random article.