Two Men Were in the Middle of a Life Changing Moment
Today The Two Men left Home, read a book, got into a wheeled vehicle, drove said vehicle to their local “petroleum station”, refuelled said vehicle, and proceeded in the direction whence they came. Upon returning to their original destination (Home) they thought back to their first action (after they left Home) and realised something.
This sequence of actions took months of preparation, choreography, and intensive two man driving lessons (The Two Men operated the steering and the pedals of the wheeled vehicle simultaneously) so as to achieve the correct level of synchronicity within the sequence. Completion of this sequence was, however, entirely necessary; The Two Men now feel that they can come out with a fear that has been growing inside both of them (at exactly the same rate) for some time now. In a statement made a short while ago from just now, The Two Men said (together): “We feel the author [Pipkin Pilferdale] has stolen our unique traits, our style of dress, our speech pattern, the way we look at each other in bed, and our artistic philosophy, as well as three boxes of our pet quail’s eggs and written them into his book. We find this very alarming.”
Just now, Pipkin Pilferdale (the author) sent a fax to The Two Men, asking if they’d seen the disclaimer at the beginning of the book saying it was purely coincidence that their traits, style of dress, speech pattern, bedtime lookings, artistic philosophy and three boxes of their pet quail’s eggs had been stolen and written into his book.
Seconds ago, The Two Men telegrammed back admitting they hadn’t sought out the disclaimer, but upon looking (presumably at a time just before sending the telegram), they couldn’t find the disclaimer. They suggested perhaps it had been misplaced in their copy. The apparent anger and fear that could be heard in The Two Men’s initial statement appears to be fizzling out, something Pilferdale (fearing legal action) is relieved to see.
As I write, Pipkin Pilferdale is tapping out a morse code message (into his concrete floor, with a sledgehammer) apologising for the error and asking whether The Two Men enjoyed the book. Shortly, he will offer a second copy, perhaps to create an easier reading environment for The Two Men (though, he is unsure whether this will offend The Two Men or further diffuse their negative feelings towards him).
Tomorrow’s mail delivery will bring a letter from The Two Men. The letter will: firstly, sheepishly admit to having not finished the book because of its vapid, long winded, and pretentious use of language. Secondly, explode with anger because of Pilferdale’s suggestion to send a second vapid, long winded, pretentious book that would harm The Two Men’s delicately constructed way of life. Thirdly, warn of the intense legal action that will be brought against Pipkin Pilferdale. After reading this letter Pilferdale will pack his satchel and catch the bus to Monte Negro because (due to his experiences in a past life) legal action causes him intense anxiety.
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