William Blanket Found Guilty of Existential Malpractice


William was in the deepest cycle of REM, his eyes searching blindly under his eyelids. From the depths of his consciousness across the bounds of space and sky his mind aimlessly wandered. Flashing neon images of grid-iron triangles tumbled through his head. Flickers of soft stars floated intermittently in this lightless formless space.

“We here today do solemnly affirm the guilt and conviction of William Blankett,” the chief juror declared.

“Mr. Blankett will now be escorted outside the courtroom to await his punishment,” the judge replied.

“You scoundrel pig!” shouted a member of the jury.

An ensuing montage of William’s own crucifixion on a tow-truck tumbled through the empty medium of his mind.

Reporters rushed to the purpled foyer of the Courthouse. Law enforcement officials stepped in front of the assembling mob of jurors, spectators, nudists and reporters.

The crowd swelled like an infected sore and oozed around the parade of Mr. Blankett in shackles. A police van awaited the arrival of the convict.

In William’s empty mental medium, an image of himself fell to the ground gasping for air after the tow-truck man hit him in the groin with a tire-iron.

William Blankett was convicted of existential malpractice on Monday. After a short but exhaustive trial, prosecutors convinced a jury of his peers to convict one of their own for the sake of their precarious existence.

Meanwhile, the tow-truck man took his sledge hammer and nails from the truck. He manipulated William’s body onto the iron cross. SLAM! A nail impaled William’s imagined wrist. WHAM! Another nail to his feet. Another through his belly button.

The prosecutor lost the evidence of Mr. Blankett’s existential malpractice on his way to the courthouse. Unfortunately for Mr. Blankett, the prosecutor spit up salami and sprayed the jurors with tanning oil.

The prosecutor’s performance alone convinced the jury that they too were implicated in his crime and would pay for it if they did not make an example out of him.

Unable to grasp at his chest, William felt a muscular explosion from within his heart. His body limped rightwards. Blood rushed to the bottom of his feet. He was drained.

Mr. Blankett was sentenced to sustained suffering for a period of 776 days.

Within the empty medium of William’s mind an unsettling nostalgia filled this form with déjà vu. He saw himself on the street besides a tow-truck. Glancing around the corner he saw the tow-truck man with his tire-iron. Again?

Mr. Blankett will be revived from his medically induced psycho-scare coma 775 days from yesterday.

For more articles by J.D., click here. To get in touch with this writer, email jd@surrealtimes.net.


See Also

Want to read more news? Click here for a random article.