Woman Uses Eyeballs as Toys
It was 6am at Stop & Shop, an hour before opening time. Toilet paper fiends waited in line outside, scratching their bums, smelling their fingers, calling each other names.
In the back, a woman sat tired and apparently anxious to get inside the store. She kept looking back and forth. When nobody was watching, she pulled a spoon from her pocket, brought it up to her eye socket, and used it to dislodge her eyeballs into her hands. Then she bounced them on the pavement like bouncy balls -- she even juggled them and spun them on her fingers, for fun or to escape from stresses of shopping during a pandemic. After a while, she threw one of her occulars upwards, high in the sky, high, so high - accidentally landing it on the roof.
“Heavens no,” she muttered to herself. “But, heavens so,” as she navigated the courtyard with one eye in hand.
She sat calmly on the pavement while everyone else patrolled the front door impatiently.
“Duct-tape doesn’t taste good,” she muttered.
At 7:00am, the doors opened. People scrambled for the necessities of the corona-pocalypse: bananas, chicken, etc. I noticed that, strangely, the woman was still on the now-empty sidewalk, repeatedly throwing her remaining eyeball against the wall next to her, then awkwardly chasing after it (with her sight being displaced).
I approached her.
She yelled, “Don’t steal my destiny! I can’t see it, but I will know if you move it!”
“Okay,” I said, and I backed off. Once the woman gathered her eyeball from the ground, she pulled some duct tape from inside her mouth and used it taped her eyeball to the wall 7ft up. She sat criss-cross legged on the ground against the wall, in Budha pose, beneath her eyeball which acted as watchguard for her. She drew a semi-circle of chalk around her and began repeating the mantra:
“Unroll it, Coil it, Toil-let, Spoil it”
One by one, people exiting the store would place rolls of sparkling white toilet paper at the woman’s feet. She would hum thank yous to them and send them on her way. If anyone attempted to steal her takings, the woman’s eye would freeze them in place, leaving them open to thievery by other thieves.
When satisfied, the woman made a final request: “May a new friend re-acquaint me with my long-lost eyeball.”
A gentleman appeared, presenting an eyeball in the palm of his two hands. He hesitantly allowed the woman to remove his eyes. She took one for her own. Now they juggled each other’s eyes until all of them had been dropped and rolled in various directions, at which point they laid down in the pile of toilet paper the woman had accumulated, and they slept.
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