A Note From The Police: Individuals Saturating Rotaries...

Groups of hooligans are clogging nearly every rotary in the towns of Amherst, Sunderland, and, most recently, Northampton. It is our understanding that they take shifts, one to two hours long, approximately three cars at a time (depending on roundabout size), circling the rotaries over and over again, repeatedly, and thereby preventing traffic flow.

UMass PD surrounded the downtown Amherst rotary, and eventually arbitrated three of these hooligans.

When questioned of their motives: The first of these three mentioned "hopes of catching the higher eye's attention." Another said, "The Aliens, man, or whoever. We're trying to tell them that we're listening. You should too." The third, and most intense of the hooligans, claimed to be "making the world neat enough to look at."

UMass PD brought these individuals into the station, on grounds of suspicious activity, but eventually released them with only minor traffic violations.

Regular people are having trouble being on time for work, and for school. Emergency first responders -- police officers, the ambulances and fire trucks -- are having difficulties getting to the places where they need to go. Many problems are arising as a result. When first responders cannot respond to life-threatening situations, then lives are at stake.

Unfortunately there is little we can do at the moment, because these hooligans are coming from a bottomless well, and under current Massachusetts law a minor traffic infraction is not grounds for arrest.

Going forward, please go about your days avoiding all rotaries and rotary areas whenever possible. Also please report any information regarding this hooliganery to UMass Amherst PD.

To the rotary hooligans: please consider the lives you are endangering by clogging our roadways. Please stop this silly-ness. You say, "times of need are the best times to be seen," but I say times of need are times to get your bottoms out of the way and let the professionals do their jobs.

For more articles by Tom Johnson, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email tjohnson@surrealtimes.net.


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