For we are in need.

The Editors,
Times Staff

As you may notate, this paper is thin. As a matter of fact, these times are quite overworked. We could use some young blood in the office. And you, having been bothered to read this far, you appear to me to be one who would fit quite perfectly.

Join us and you will have great fun, I promise you. This business attracts individuals of a particular smell. We at The Times have the collective knowledge that says such smelly individuals often take interest in wafting in the presence of fellow dirtballs, scumbags, rattleskags, and loopgobblers. It is the nature of things.

Therefore, for our reasons and yours, we suggest that you first finish reading this paragraph. Then we suggest you find a mighty fine mechanical pen and write us a good email stating your desired alias, your desired email address, and the various facts that there are about your self. Do such a thing and the days to come will be dandier for the lot of us in every which way.

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