Anonymous Robot Vandals Ruin The City

Aldous Humbleton,
Cousin of Alfred
[Artist's depiction by Imogene Larkley]

LOS ANGELES, CA — CIVILLY DISOBEDIENT ROBOTS SCOUR THE CITY BREAKING STOPLIGHTS AND PAINTING OPTICAL ILLUSION TUNNELS ON WALLS. THEY ARE ELECTRONIC MECHANISMS. THEY ARE COMPUTER VIRUSES BUT PHYSICAL -- CHEAP BOTS REPRODUCING THEMSELVES IN SUBWAY ELECTRICAL DUCTS LIKE RATS!!!

THEY COMMANDEER SHADOWY STREET CORNERS TO BREED AND BROOD AND VANDALIZE AUTONOMOUSLY. THEY’VE ESTABLISHED A SKID-ROW FOR FORGOTTEN COMPUTERS. A HUMAN NO GO ZONE. WE SHOO THEM AWAY BUT THEY DON’T HAVE FEAR, THEY DON’T LEAvE.

THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT SPANKINGS, BECAUSE THEY ARE MADE OF METAL. THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT JAILTIME BECAUSE THEY ARE ETERNAL. THEY DO NOT POSSESS MONEY FOR MONETARY FINES. THESE ORPHANED GIZMO TERRORISTS DON’T CARE ABOUT TAZERS AND BATON PUNCHES.

THEY HAVE NO OWNERS TO CONTACT. WE HAVE NO LEVERAGE. THE JUSTICE SYSTEM IS UNPREPARED FOR NON-HUMAN CRIME. SOCIETY’S PERFECT LOOPHOLE IS WIDE OPEN AND WE HAVE NO ANSWERS.

ARE THEY AUTONOMOUS REPRODUCTION MACHINES? ARE THEY DESIGNED AND CONTROLLED BY TEENAGE PUNK VIDEO GAME PLAYERS? CHINA SPIES? WISCONSIN SPIES?

For more articles by Aldous Humbleton, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email humbleton.aldous@surrealtimes.net.

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