NYC -- People have become gradually less interested in the free water spewing from the Mandarin Hotel. As of yesterday, interest waned completely.
The PIA believes that the supposed intelligence-boosting substance originally found in the water, has either lost its effect on people or is no longer in the water supply. The liquid still tastes of salt, but seemingly no longer effects the intelligence of those who consume it.
The PIA is investigating multiple possibilities as to why this water has lost its pull on the people of New York, and why it appealed to them originally. We at the PIA don’t wish to speculate further during the hectic setup of our New York outpost. We intend on providing more information in the near future.
As my father says,
Peripherally go the winds of progress...