Designer Birth Control Not Safe
The ongoing trend among young people, designer birth control, is not safe. It causes surprise inverse births, according to scientists, and conventional contraceptives are better choices.
Status-seekers brandish “cervix patrol dogs”, “Sperm Murder branded uterine gel linings”, and “egg shyness potions”. If you use one of these methods, you will get pregnant - and, upon giving birth, you might find yourself suddenly trapped within your child’s bulging belly.
Eleven Pioneer Valley fathers have reported ten of their spouses falling victim to surprise inverse births. All admit to using designer brands of contraception. Because doctors have not yet discovered a means of safely extricating them, affected women remain trapped in their children’s bellies at this time.
The situation is tragic for both parents and the offspring. For the mother, she is stuck inside until her child reaches birthing age. She is dependent on her infant child for transportation, food, and protection. As for the child, it has no choice in the matter and must listen to parental guidance from within its own body despite not knowing what its mother looks like. This is psychologically troublesome.
The father must reckon with the strange family dynamic from the outside. Imagine needing to ask your infant child to stop stealing food from your wife?
Please, everyone, save your status-seeking bullcrap-on-a-stick. When it comes to sex, use condoms and seasonal abstinence. It’s boring, sure, but it works.
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