Fair Redistribution Of The Bones To Personalities

Carl Mon,
Head of the PIA

A two-armed man undergoing government-funded Personality Multiplexing Therapy has sued the federal government for a third arm, which he says is rightfully his. In general he is a promoter of people’s rights to a proportional amount of bones with respect to the number of personalities they have developed during required personality treatment. This man, who has 3 names (Fred-J, Tim-J, Harold-J), corresponding to his 3 personalities, is quite pissed across the whole spectrum of who he is.

“Now that the feds manage bone allocation nationwide,” Tim-J said, “It is their responsibility to spread the bones out from each according to ability and to each according to need. Me and Fred-J have our own arms, but Harold-J doesn’t. Does that sound fair to you?”

Harold-J argues that, if there are 600 million human arms in the country, and 400 million personalities, then each personality ought to get at least 600/400 = 1.5 arms, at minimum. He believes that the distribution should be equally fair to all personalities.

For more articles by Carl Mon, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email cmon@surrealtimes.net.


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