In wake of bone-removal as a cure for COVID, piles of bones continue to displace patients in hospitals nationwide. A Federal Bank official, Dr. Bernanke, proposed a clever solution to the problem, inspired by our banking system: “Fractional reserve bone storage.” This arrangement would allow hospitals to dispose of up to 70% of bones, under the assumption that most people will not all come back for their bones all at the same time. More likely, only a small percentage of people will want their bones on any given day, and as long as the hospital maintains enough bones in storage, they may get rid of the extras.

“This system has worked wonders for banks over the last century,” Dr Bernanke says.

While this idea has potential, it is also controversial.

Aldus Humbleton, boneless citizen of the world, criticized Fractional Reserve Bone Keeping because of the way it treats all bones as equivalent.

“THEY MEASURE BONES IN A SINGLE NUMBER,” he says, “531 BONES, FOR EXAMPLE, WITH NO REGARD TO COUNTING SPECIFIC BONE TYPES. WHEN THE STORAGE RUNS LOW, YOU COULD END UP WITH ARMS FOR LEGS OR LEGS FOR ARMS.”

Aldus presents a good argument for improved bone bookkeeping, but the issue he exposes does not need to get in the way of Fractional Reserve Bone Storage in general. It is the opinion of hospital executives as well as the Peripheral Intelligence Agency that Fractional Reserve Bone Storage is wise and very necessary.

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