Invasive Tree Grows Writhing Rats
[Artist's depiction by Imogene Larkley]
An invasive species of tree has made its way into the Pioneer Valley. This tree doesn’t grow flowers, fruits, or vegetables. It sprouts writhing, wretched creatures that will send shivers down your spine.
The first case arose when two young lovers, UMass sophomores Samantha and Tony, were smooching under a tree on Orchard Hill. In the heat of their canoodling, a hairy lump the size of a softball thumped on the ground beside their intertwined legs. The creature squirmed, whined, and rolled over, revealing pale hairless feet, a poky nose, and large black eyes. It crawled out from dormancy - limping at first, gradually shaking off pain, cracking its wrists and spine, loosening its achy joints. Then it scurried across Samantha’s leg.
“It made me jump,” she explained, “Those cold little feet frittering on my skin made me want to puke. But I didn’t puke, not until a bit later, when the thing tried going up my pant leg. Tony whacked it with a rock just in time.”
But more rats began to fall. Hastened by the cries of their brethren, several peeped their heads out from within buds on the trees. As they grew plump, they hung from their tails. The branches bent downward under their weight. At a certain point, their tails would snap, causing the rats to fall like apples onto the ground, then come alive and scurry in all directions looking for a hole to burrow themselves into. Some say the rats are much like acorns which, once burrowed into the ground, will grow more rat trees.
Samantha and Jon escaped without injury. Today, over the Internet, they warn of the rat trees which are proliferating throughout the Pioneer Valley.
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