Is There A Seven-Second Frequency?

Peter “Mini-P” Petrinksi,
Foremost Dwarf Naturalist

The Surreal Five have caused tensions to boil in the scientific community, but not for the reason one might think.

Our understanding of the pineal gland, called the Seat of Surreality by many, has evolved drastically over the last decade. H-33, a chemical used to manufacture blue jeans, directly affects the gland. As such, medical research on the gland has taken center stage. The most significant advance: the discovery of the Three-Second-Frequency. This frequency, delivered by flashlight over the course of three seconds, re-attunes the pineal gland to reality after H-33 exposure, but only temporarily.

Not content with the Three-Second-Frequency, scientists have searched for a longer-lasting cure to H-33 exposure. While patients were content with the quick and easy to use Three-Second-Frequency, a completely healing frequency could potentially cure not just H-33 exposure but other pineal gland related maladies as well. Until this frequency is discovered, its potential applications are unknown but tantalizing.

Enter the Seven-Second-Frequency, a rumor first and a cure second. Supposedly developed by a grad student at University of Dortmund, the Seven-Second-Frequency is said to cure H-33 poisoning completely and even rejuvenate the brain to a younger, quicker state. But the Frequency is elusive. Details even on when it was created and by whom are scarce, and no consensus exists on its effects. Conspiracies abound that medical corporations suppress the Frequency for financial gain. In the end, the Seven-Second-Frequency is a rumor of a rumor, and this naturalist holds that it will never surface because it never existed.

For more articles by Peter “Mini-P” Petrinksi, click here. To get in touch with this writer, email petrinski.peter@surrealtimes.net.

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