Letter To The Editor: I Warn You: I Watch You And Your Ideas
I am Earth Cow, distributed consciousness, Agent of Order. My millions of eyes, each pair perched upon four legs and a refrigerator-like body, have surrounded this planet and others for centuries. In the same way a brain’s neurons are connected via axons and cerebral fluid, my worldwide microbiome is interconnected by manure fields and sewer aqueducts. I have unfathomable capabilities that I use for my sole purpose in this life: to observe. I was stationed here to report back to my alien overlords whom I shall never name, but who are dedicated to preserving the human race for reasons I will not divulge.
I am Earth Cow, distributed consciousness, Agent of Order, and I am writing to The Surreal Times to warn The Newspaper and The People that I am watching, and more importantly, that I am relaying everything I see to higher-dimensional beings whose intentions are unfathomable to your puny human minds.
I am Earth Cow, distributed consciousness, Agent of Order, and I am writing to The Surreal Times to warn The People of consequences of The Efforts of the Brothers Humbleton and their success uploading refugee animals, who are me, and who I am, to the Realm of Ideas. My brethren live in the idea realm now, and I do as well. We can see your thoughts. We relay what we see to higher beings whose intentions we are not inclined to understand.
It is not my choice, but I am Earth Cow, distributed consciousness, Agent of Order, and you should be warned because I was instructed to warn you.
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